Jackalopes

Excerpt from the Chattanooga Achievement Test study guide

Jackalopes: any of several sub-species of animals that have a humanoid form. Jackalopes are easily identified by the horns on their head, though they will often sport other animalistic features. While the exact origin of Jackalopes remains in dispute, they are most likely the result of multiple independent experiments during the years immediately following the death of the bees.

 

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We at the Friends of Marcus Society would like you to meet Marcus. Some might call Marcus a puppy-Jackalope but Marcus is more than just cute. Marcus is a person. Marcus speaks and asks the best questions about the world.

 

Some people say that “Jackalopes” are only animals, but no one knows for sure where they came from. Many claim that these special creatures are the result of separate experiments to make animals more likely to survive or to provide meat. Some even say that their purpose is to be used as cannon fodder, as most Dog Soldiers are being used right now, and as Marcus was intended to be.

 

The intentions do not matter. No matter how these special creatures came into our world, it is our duty to support their rights and end the usage of “Jackalopes” in this cruel manner.

 

If you take the time to get to know him, you would not call Marcus a “Jackalope,” you would simply call him Marcus.

 

Anonymous Commenter

Jackalopes are people. Anyone who demands anything less than full citizenship for Jackalopes is a sell out to the Movement.

 

From the office of Senator Rebecca Vanhoosier-Washington

Dear Mr. Arcturus Tarmac,

 

Thank you for taking the time to write to my office. I certainly understand and sympathize with your concern for animals, especially ones that may be able to mimic speech. Unfortunately, we live in troubled times when furthering animal rights cannot take priority over survival. As you know, my office has been deeply involved in a project to secure the area that I represent. We were proud to announce earlier this month that, due to our coordinated efforts, we have secured a ready supply of drinkable water for the city of New Corpus Christi. Policies like these will ensure our Republic’s future.

 

Best Regards,

Senator Rebecca Vanhoosier-Washington